My last serious religious topic post was about my search for a new religious path. I discussed Judaism, the possibility of blending paths with Paganism, but the more I thought on it, the more a blended path did not make sense. I then decided to write down what I believed, without any preconceptions and without trying to shoe-horn them into a path. These are just my personal beliefs, crudely shoved into words.
I believe in a divine spirit that permeates everything, beyond the comprehension of mere mortals. That divine spirit manifests itself in many forms to people across creation, with distinct masculine and feminine aspects. These divine aspects can be known as Goddess and God, but also through other deity names.
My husband, Rune says that I definitely fit the mold for Paganism, and I’ve been reading into Wicca quite a bit lately. Everything I’m reading is making sense, a lot more sense than everything else I’ve been reading. I think I am much more a soft polytheist than a hard polytheist, despite the fact I tried to force myself to be a hard polytheist for ten years. it’s taken a lot to reconcile that belief, to accept that I am not a failure for stepping back from Hellenic Reconstructionism. It’s not me anymore, and now that I think on it, I don’t believe it ever was. It took major effort, not good effort, to do the whole Reconstructionist thing, and that was something that I tried very hard to do well. I observed the holidays, did the rituals, honored the Theoi, but it felt false. I finally admitted it, and now here I am.
I’m looking at the pile of Wicca books in front of me and remembering my first introduction to the Pagan community: Wicca: A Guide for the Solitary Practitioner by Scott Cunningham was the first book about non-Abrahamic Religions that I ever read, about fifteen years ago, and now it’s become the book I’ve gone back to for a refresher course in what I started out in the Pagan community with. I’ve also been reading the Farrar’s books The Witches’ Goddess and The Witches’ God, in addition to their Witches’ Bible.
I’m currently figuring out where I fall in things. As I move closer to this Wiccan path, it makes more and more sense. I just need to let go of my conscious brain and let my subconscious feel. Where do I feel the most at home?
It might be Wicca. We’ll have to find out. It’s time to go home.
